Recognizing the signs of hating my job

Everyone has good and bad days in their career. Some people are blessed to LOVE what they do for a living, and where they work. Some people HATE their jobs and having to do what they do for a paycheck. And some people just don't give a damn about where they work, what they do as long as they get a paycheck. I used to fall in to the category of being someone who loved their job.
Used to. Those are the key words. The entire first year at my company, I loved getting up and going in to the office. People used to be able to say 'hello' to one another without worrying about getting caught saying 'hello'. You would be busy all day, and be able to goof around with a coworker. If you had been assigned a project, and needed an extension on it...you didn't mind working late to finish it up.
The second year of being at my company brought about A LOT of changes. People are not allowed to talk to people in other departments without a comment being passed. Management does not crack jokes or even allow you to crack jokes any longer. Conspiracy theories and back-stabbing have gotten to become so out-of-hand it is pathetic. Salary increases are not coming down the pike, and employee moral is down. Hiring freezes, and company globalization has taken hold at my location.
Come August, I will be with my company for three years. And every day I pray to have the strength to come in and give a damn about my performance. But it is getting harder and harder.

• Annoying co-worker is still as annoying if not more so. But it doesn't effect me as badly as I just tune him out, because I DON'T CARE.
• I don't plod along in my duties at break-neck speed like I used to, or stay late every night like I once had.
• Each morning, I dilly-dally at my home until the last possible minute before leaving for the office.
• Co-workers who need me to type items for them, annoy me as they just don't care if I am working on something else.
• I try to avoid walking through the building (to go potty, or to the mail room, or for tea) to avoid seeing people who work in the building. Because they want to socialize. And I DON'T WANT to.
• I am exhausted every night and worn down every morning from the stress of working in such a negative atmosphere.
• And I call in sick just because I don't feel like going in to work. And I don't feel guilty about it.

The bulleted items above have made me realize how UNHAPPY and how much I HATE my job. And now I have to face the decision on either staying and being miserable or making the move, and moving on. But I am all but positive my mind is made up...and it is time for me to move on.

What I’ve learned from life regarding love

I am the hopeless romantic, turned cynic. I believe in love, and believe in the happily-ever-after. However I also believe that this will never happen for me. Check out the song 'My Sweet Song' by Toby Lightman....and you'll understand where I'm coming from. Anyone who knows my childhood, and my choice of men will understand why I feel this way. I believe people can be happy and IN LOVE with one another. But I also believe that I must have done something in a past life to give me the inability to find that right person for me.

I am proud to say that after being in hurtful, go-no-where, abusive relationships and a year of theropy with a wonderful person, I've come to realize what I want and what I DESERVE. What I will and will not tolorate. But that still doesn't stop you from loving a person who isn't capable of loving you the way you need to be loved or letting themself BE loved. I also feel that I will never have what some people are blessed to have, and I accept that. I'm fine with that. And I will enjoy myself as best as I can. But for those of you who are YOUNG, and just starting out the gate...or those of you who need some guidience from us cyncial's here is a list of things to keep in mind. Maybe this is just theraputic for myself....but here it is none the less.

PERFECT in-sight on being in a relationship (even though these are quoted from a movie): 'The hardest thing is loving someone and then having the courage to let them love you back.' also ''Every woman has the exact love life she wants....When you're ready to let go, to be un-singIe and un-miserabIe, you will."

When you care for someone, or more importantly love someone, you will have good times and not-so-good times. The GOOD times should out-weigh the not-so-good times. You can hurt for someone, and cry for someone. But you shouldn't be crying over someone.

Communication is key. Don't be afraid to say what you feel, need, or want.

By realizing what it is you want, what you deserve it does not make you selfish to go out and get it.

You can love someone and you can be IN LOVE with someone. Sometimes these two actions are tied up in the SAME PERSON. This is when it gets sticky.

A great love relationship is based on a great friendship.

If a person is not willing to allow love in to their life, it takes too much energy to fight to be allowed in to that person's life.

Your friends will only want the best for you. Don't forget that. A real friend will tell you what they see, or know even if it may hurt to accept that information. They're not saying it to hurt you. They're saying it because they don't want you to get hurt. But they'll give you the time and space to realize this on your own.

Sometimes the person you love is brought in to your life at a certain time to teach you a lesson. If you learn from that lesson, you will come out stronger. It may not be the lesson you expect or even want...but you'll have learned from it.

Confide in the person you love. You'll be surprised with how they either accept what you're saying or give you insight, or even open up more about themself.

Be patient. All good things to those who wait. Just don't wait too long, or you may forget to put yourself first.

Wow....just when you think you've pulled the wool over their eyes

I am still in shock over this. And laughing uncontrollably. And had to share it with my brother (Nelson) as well as with the rest of you. Because no matter how old we get, we think that we can fool our parents. (Or at least, I kinda thought that.) Because...you know, mom can be scary at times, and seem judgemental. And a bit overbearing. So I try and not tell her certain aspects of my life, just as I'm sure the rest of the world don't feel compelled to tell their parents EVERYTHING either.
Let me back track a bit. (5) Five years ago I was dating a person who was NOT the one for me. It was a very unhealthy relationship, and although my mom and Ida tolerated him (as they didn't want to push me in the wrong direction) they did not welcome him sleeping over, or really care for me staying at his house. If this person slept at my house, he was to sleep on the couch as opposed to upstairs with me. SO IT CAME AS A HUGE SHOCK TO ME THAT WHEN I STARTED RECENTLY HANGING OUT WITH SOMEONE (WHO I REFER TO AS SQUIRREL) THAT MOM SAID IT WOULD BE FINE FOR HIM TO STAY OVER THE HOUSE, WITH ME (AS IN...IN MY ROOM). She has yet to meet him, so I was all, "REALLY?" She also doesn't get bent out of shape if I stay over his house either. (Part of this is because we don't live exactly close Squirrel, and I.)
Anyway back to the point in hand here. Tuesday night, Squirrel and I decided to hang out, and it turned in to an all-night event. Mom was OK, other than the fact that she was concerned I didn't have a change of clothes with me. (It worked out in the long run.) Then this past Saturday he and I had decided to get together to do something. So as I was leaving the house, Ida asked if I planned to come home (so she knew whether to lock all the way up or not.) I told her I didn't know but that I had hoped not to be coming home that night.
Which brings me to MY OWN DISILLUSIONMENT. Because you see, here I was thinking oh...mom and Ida have NO clue as to what is going on. They just think I'm sleeping over at Squirrel's house from time to time in a platonic manner. UH, YEAH. THEY'RE WAY AHEAD OF ME. Yesterday I am lounging on my couch, and Ida and mom come home. Mom goes upstairs to change, and Ida is putzing around, goes to the bathroom and comes out, stopping in front of me. 'I have to tell you something, and I don't want you to get upset.' (My attention is caught, and I begin to get nervous.) 'Mom asked me, or actually said something to me, and I thought I told her the right thing...but she wanted me to address this with you anyway. Just don't let her know I did so.' (Now I'm panicking. Is it something to do with mom's health? She isn't doing too well these past few weeks.)
And Ida continues: 'After lunch today, we're driving to Lowes, and mom says to me; I hope that Rose and _______ (she used his name) are using protection of some kind. Because the last thing either of them needs right now is a little surprise. And I said to mom, oh I am sure Rose is handling that. I don't know which method but I know she wouldn't be that dumb.'
AND THERE YOU HAVE IT BOYS AND GIRLS, FRIENDS AND FELLOW BLOGGERS. i AM STARING AT IDA, MOUTH AGAPE. Because I didn't have them fooled for one instance as to what goes on when I am out with a certain someone. I am not that suave. And I am completely dumb-founded that the two of them are so calm and cool about this. So I had to wait until I got my voice back, and then reassured Ida that yes....we are using precautions, and that I even plan on having back-up back-up when I go see the gyno in a few weeks. But you know what...this is a BIG relief. Because now I know that they know I am an adult, and adult enough to make my own decissions (they respect my decissions), and we can be one happy family. And my mother doesn't judge me. She just wants me to be happy and safe. And that's what family and love is about.

ACCEPTANCE!