What I’ve learned from life regarding love

I am the hopeless romantic, turned cynic. I believe in love, and believe in the happily-ever-after. However I also believe that this will never happen for me. Check out the song 'My Sweet Song' by Toby Lightman....and you'll understand where I'm coming from. Anyone who knows my childhood, and my choice of men will understand why I feel this way. I believe people can be happy and IN LOVE with one another. But I also believe that I must have done something in a past life to give me the inability to find that right person for me.

I am proud to say that after being in hurtful, go-no-where, abusive relationships and a year of theropy with a wonderful person, I've come to realize what I want and what I DESERVE. What I will and will not tolorate. But that still doesn't stop you from loving a person who isn't capable of loving you the way you need to be loved or letting themself BE loved. I also feel that I will never have what some people are blessed to have, and I accept that. I'm fine with that. And I will enjoy myself as best as I can. But for those of you who are YOUNG, and just starting out the gate...or those of you who need some guidience from us cyncial's here is a list of things to keep in mind. Maybe this is just theraputic for myself....but here it is none the less.

PERFECT in-sight on being in a relationship (even though these are quoted from a movie): 'The hardest thing is loving someone and then having the courage to let them love you back.' also ''Every woman has the exact love life she wants....When you're ready to let go, to be un-singIe and un-miserabIe, you will."

When you care for someone, or more importantly love someone, you will have good times and not-so-good times. The GOOD times should out-weigh the not-so-good times. You can hurt for someone, and cry for someone. But you shouldn't be crying over someone.

Communication is key. Don't be afraid to say what you feel, need, or want.

By realizing what it is you want, what you deserve it does not make you selfish to go out and get it.

You can love someone and you can be IN LOVE with someone. Sometimes these two actions are tied up in the SAME PERSON. This is when it gets sticky.

A great love relationship is based on a great friendship.

If a person is not willing to allow love in to their life, it takes too much energy to fight to be allowed in to that person's life.

Your friends will only want the best for you. Don't forget that. A real friend will tell you what they see, or know even if it may hurt to accept that information. They're not saying it to hurt you. They're saying it because they don't want you to get hurt. But they'll give you the time and space to realize this on your own.

Sometimes the person you love is brought in to your life at a certain time to teach you a lesson. If you learn from that lesson, you will come out stronger. It may not be the lesson you expect or even want...but you'll have learned from it.

Confide in the person you love. You'll be surprised with how they either accept what you're saying or give you insight, or even open up more about themself.

Be patient. All good things to those who wait. Just don't wait too long, or you may forget to put yourself first.

How can you tell?

So here we go again....Orelinde is clueless when it comes to the 'boy factor' of life. How does one tell if another party is interested in them? I mean, when we were in grade school, and 'liked' someone it was easy to figure it out. Depending on who liked who, someone would punch the object of their affection, and then run away. OR, we would decide that the person of our affection had 'the cooties'. And this would go on for either the week, the term, or perhaps someones entire childhood. Having a crush on someone when you were a kid was much less complex than it is being a grown-up.

Or being as close to being a grown-up, as one can be with pink hi-lites. But I digress. Because after many months of doing the on-line dating thing, and then just giving up again I've finally been crushing on someone. But it's tricky, because technically we work together. We don't work in the same office, sitting side by side cube-wise but technically we work for the same department.

I am not giving away his name, nor have I come up with a nickname for him yet, to refer to him as in my blog. But he is cute, and very nice. And every day he comes in to chat with me. It isn't endless conversation ( as I think he doesn't want to have me caught by 'big dick' and get in trouble. But he swings by at least once, sometimes twice a day to say 'hi' or even 'toodles'. (His word, NOT mine.) :o) But is this just casual, friendly chatter? Or is he kind of interested? He did tell me he thinks my hair looks 'awesome' with the pink in it, and today (not to mention one night when I was going to a happy hour) did he comment on my outfit. Today I am wearing khaki, and have a military look going, which he was teasing me on. Is this just being nice, friend convo....or is he interested?

And don't dare tell me, to sniff around and suggest we go for coffee or drinks, or do something to even remotely suggest making the first move. BECAUSE I AM SHY. And jaded.....and don't want to be shooting out of my league. So until I have some other kind of proof that he IS interested in me, will continue to to ponder this. But I'd really, really like some feed back Ladies....guys....do we think this is interest or just friendly banter?

I don’t understand the male species……Really I don’t.

And for that matter, I don’t understand Match.com either. In a past post, I shared the news that annoying co-worker informed me that I need to get out and start dating. And for some insane reason, I listened to him. My friend Claire asked me about on-line dating (As she is in a good relationship with a nice guy. A nice guy who doesn’t have any brothers…lol.) And I decided to reactivate my profile on www.match.com and update the photo and see what fish were out there.

I don’t lie about my likes, hobbies, or body type in my profile. Because what good would that do? If it ever gets to meeting one of these guys, can’t snap my fingers and look like Gretchen Mohl. I try to get across my wittiness, my love of family and friends, and just be myself. If anyone does want to look, my screen name on match is Orelinde…let me know what you think, in a critiquing manner, insight, pointers, and suggestions are most appreciated.

Anyway, I was brave and reached out and both e-mailed and *winked* at some guys, who Match.com said met my criteria and who I met theirs. (Because, Dr. Phil knows it all.) Well one guy wrote me back and said he didn’t think we were a match. Ok, at least he was nice enough than to just leave me hanging. The majority of the other guys never responded, after checking out my photo. When you sign up for match, there is this thing you must fill out, that allows you to say what: body type, age group, turn-on’s and turn-off’s, etc. that you’re looking for or not wanting in a mate. So if I reach out to a guy, who STATES (body type: about average, curvy) is ok….and they look at my photo….then why are they saying I am not what they’re looking for? I DON’T GET IT! I DON’T! I mean, I am not an Angelina Jolie, but I also don’t think I look like leather face either.

Also, it is taking me forever to get my primary photo excepted on Match.com. I do have three additional photos on my profile. So I then decided to crop one photo and post it as my primary, and it keeps posting an OLD photo of me, from when I was on Match.com in the past. So then I try to e-mail Match my photo that I want to use, and they keep telling me that no photo is attached to the e-mail. ARGH!!!!! *Pulling hair* I don’t understand this! Am I doomed to be single forever? Is Match.com and Dr. Phil both ass-munches, and sucking single people dry? Has the male species just decided to become un-communicative with Orelinde? Damn you www.match.com ! Damn you Dr. Phil! Damn you annoying co-worker who thinks I need to be out and dating!