What I’ve learned from life regarding love

I am the hopeless romantic, turned cynic. I believe in love, and believe in the happily-ever-after. However I also believe that this will never happen for me. Check out the song 'My Sweet Song' by Toby Lightman....and you'll understand where I'm coming from. Anyone who knows my childhood, and my choice of men will understand why I feel this way. I believe people can be happy and IN LOVE with one another. But I also believe that I must have done something in a past life to give me the inability to find that right person for me.

I am proud to say that after being in hurtful, go-no-where, abusive relationships and a year of theropy with a wonderful person, I've come to realize what I want and what I DESERVE. What I will and will not tolorate. But that still doesn't stop you from loving a person who isn't capable of loving you the way you need to be loved or letting themself BE loved. I also feel that I will never have what some people are blessed to have, and I accept that. I'm fine with that. And I will enjoy myself as best as I can. But for those of you who are YOUNG, and just starting out the gate...or those of you who need some guidience from us cyncial's here is a list of things to keep in mind. Maybe this is just theraputic for myself....but here it is none the less.

PERFECT in-sight on being in a relationship (even though these are quoted from a movie): 'The hardest thing is loving someone and then having the courage to let them love you back.' also ''Every woman has the exact love life she wants....When you're ready to let go, to be un-singIe and un-miserabIe, you will."

When you care for someone, or more importantly love someone, you will have good times and not-so-good times. The GOOD times should out-weigh the not-so-good times. You can hurt for someone, and cry for someone. But you shouldn't be crying over someone.

Communication is key. Don't be afraid to say what you feel, need, or want.

By realizing what it is you want, what you deserve it does not make you selfish to go out and get it.

You can love someone and you can be IN LOVE with someone. Sometimes these two actions are tied up in the SAME PERSON. This is when it gets sticky.

A great love relationship is based on a great friendship.

If a person is not willing to allow love in to their life, it takes too much energy to fight to be allowed in to that person's life.

Your friends will only want the best for you. Don't forget that. A real friend will tell you what they see, or know even if it may hurt to accept that information. They're not saying it to hurt you. They're saying it because they don't want you to get hurt. But they'll give you the time and space to realize this on your own.

Sometimes the person you love is brought in to your life at a certain time to teach you a lesson. If you learn from that lesson, you will come out stronger. It may not be the lesson you expect or even want...but you'll have learned from it.

Confide in the person you love. You'll be surprised with how they either accept what you're saying or give you insight, or even open up more about themself.

Be patient. All good things to those who wait. Just don't wait too long, or you may forget to put yourself first.

The Squirrel is driving me NUTS

I don't know why I am posting this stuff about Squirrel here, instead of on the dating blog I had started back in the day. I guess because I feel most comfortable here, and don't know if I should even bother with posting on that site, as maybe those situations were jinxed because of that type blog. NUTS, right?
So bare with me as I ponder the acts of like/lust/and possible beginnings of love (OK, way ahead of myself here on that one.) But Squirrel has me going nuts because I am too chicken to take a step and ask away. A few posts back I asked the age-old question of 'how do you know if someone is interested in you.' Well, shortly after I had posted that, I found out that Squirrel does like me, really like me on some level. We had gone to a happy hour a few weeks back, and well...let's just say that Orelinde had a situation presented to her and she took it. I know....I KNOW! what was I thinking (actually nothing other than it felt good.) What was I doing (errrmmm, the act that I hadn't participated in for a very, Very, VERY long time with someon I was highly attracted to.) And Squirrel was so cute about it too. He tried to not jump on me, and go slowly. We fell asleep, and I woke up in the early morning, and skipped out as I had something to do the following morning at an ungodly hour.
But this post isn't about my sordid first activity with him. Because after that night, the following week, he took me to dinner (and ok, we wound up repeating our activities afterward.) But afterwards, he is so sweet, and tender, and gentle. He has (had) informed me that he is 'happy', we share secrets about ourselves. A few nights after that, we got together, had gone to a movie, and had dinner at his house, and hung with his roommates for a bit before having alone time. And of course I was informed that if I wanted a meaningful relationship with Squirrel, having THE SEX with him on the first night, or every time we get together is not the way to go about it. Claire has told me, big bro Nelson has told me. Fuck...even Cousin Dee has scolded me, and above anyone I would think she would be like 'you go get yours.'
Then things cooled off considerably. We went for coffee one night, and were supposed to do something then he got sidetracked on a project and I left him because he 'felt bad that I was bored.' We retty much didn't see one another all last week, although in Squirrel's defense, and as a tribute to him, I have to say that when he says he will call me, he does. I had texted him one night (biting the bullet), saying I missed him, the following morning I got a text back saying he missed me too. Last Friday I went for cocktails with some friends, and wound up going to his place after, to hang out. Well plans didn't work out as he got called away on an errand. Again I admitted to missing him, as he was holding me in his arms, and he confessed the same too. Then I went the extra-step and said 'you're so full of shit', to see if he was saying it just because I had said it first. He pulled back, looked in to my eyes, and repeated that he misses me, and that why wouldn't he know how he felt. He was slightly drunk too when I got to his house, and I thought that was a GOOD thing, as I could have tried to get some facts out of him. Facts that I am dieing to find out. I even told him that I had gone to his house with questions, but was leaving with them unanswered. Questions such as: (a) What is exactly going on between us- is it just sex? (b) are we friends w/ bennies? (c) is he 'hanging' out with any other women? (d) does he think we're dating? (e) will this progress to dating? (f) is there any future in this?
I figured if he was crocked and I was not, that he may be more willing to be truthful. He has told me in the past that I could ask him anything. I am just too chicken. And ladies, we all know how men are. You ask them a question, and they get all....well squirrely. (This is not how he got his nickname.) So what do I do? Just bite my lip and stay the course? Open my mouth and see what happens when I question? Or just try to get him relly drunk and find out the truth then?

How can you tell?

So here we go again....Orelinde is clueless when it comes to the 'boy factor' of life. How does one tell if another party is interested in them? I mean, when we were in grade school, and 'liked' someone it was easy to figure it out. Depending on who liked who, someone would punch the object of their affection, and then run away. OR, we would decide that the person of our affection had 'the cooties'. And this would go on for either the week, the term, or perhaps someones entire childhood. Having a crush on someone when you were a kid was much less complex than it is being a grown-up.

Or being as close to being a grown-up, as one can be with pink hi-lites. But I digress. Because after many months of doing the on-line dating thing, and then just giving up again I've finally been crushing on someone. But it's tricky, because technically we work together. We don't work in the same office, sitting side by side cube-wise but technically we work for the same department.

I am not giving away his name, nor have I come up with a nickname for him yet, to refer to him as in my blog. But he is cute, and very nice. And every day he comes in to chat with me. It isn't endless conversation ( as I think he doesn't want to have me caught by 'big dick' and get in trouble. But he swings by at least once, sometimes twice a day to say 'hi' or even 'toodles'. (His word, NOT mine.) :o) But is this just casual, friendly chatter? Or is he kind of interested? He did tell me he thinks my hair looks 'awesome' with the pink in it, and today (not to mention one night when I was going to a happy hour) did he comment on my outfit. Today I am wearing khaki, and have a military look going, which he was teasing me on. Is this just being nice, friend convo....or is he interested?

And don't dare tell me, to sniff around and suggest we go for coffee or drinks, or do something to even remotely suggest making the first move. BECAUSE I AM SHY. And jaded.....and don't want to be shooting out of my league. So until I have some other kind of proof that he IS interested in me, will continue to to ponder this. But I'd really, really like some feed back Ladies....guys....do we think this is interest or just friendly banter?