Where oh where can a decent apartment be? Where or where can one be?

**Before I launch in to this entry, I just want to wish everyone out here in blogger land a very Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and safe & healthy New Years. I hope that everyone enjoyed their festivities, and are all well.**

If I was not living the nightmare of apartment hunting, and witnessed regrettably) some of the apartments I have, would never believe what I am about to share with all of you. And just think, I live in the suburbs, not even in the city. I could only imagine what it must be like to search in an urban area. There has been much drama going on at home, and even though I have toyed with the notion of moving out, never really got off my butt to look for something. But now, things have gotten a bit sticky at home, and mom has made it clear that she does not value my contribution to the house, or respect me and my needs. The breaking point was Christmas Eve for me, when she made it clear that I was not included in our (annual tradition of attending midnight mass.) But I've totally jumped ahead with that comment. anyway, since just before Thanksgiving it became apparent that my days at casa de Lucretia were coming to an end. I started to look for apartments, and even put the word out to respected co-workers and friends to keep their eyes and ears peeled. Enjoy what I've encountered:

1. Apartment located in Bay Shore, NY: This ad was torn down from a paper hanging in the grocery store. It was for a studio apartment, and turned out not to be too far from my best friend Nelson (who was not the one who got me the information.) Anyway, I secure an appointment to look at the space, and the landlord (who was driving home from Brooklyn) was mad late. I mean late to the point where I was getting ready to leave. I had been sitting in front of this dark house, which looked something that could have been nice, yet was still spooky and had a for sale sign on the front lawn. Dude finally shows up and brings me to the BASEMENT apartment. Which OK, a basement apartment would have been fine. But this basement STUDIO apartment? Uh, no! You had to walk down STEEP stairs, and entered in to the sitting area. When I tell you the sitting area wouldn't have been able to accommodate a love seat, I am not kidding. You could not fit two people in to the kitchenette. The bedroom had no closet, which the guy was going to build, and I don't know how you'd be able to fit a bed in there. The only saving grace was the bathroom, which had a bench in the shower stall, so you could sit. If I could have lived in the bathroom, it may have worked. I was so stupefied by this, that I actually considered taking the apartment, called Nelson to have him check it out. THANK GOD Nelson saw it for what it was, and aside from not liking the 'crack city' neighborhood, said to me 'no way in hell are you taking this. Ian and Peter wouldn't even be able to fit down here, let alone The Squirrel'. Needless to say, we moved on.
2. I then called the number from another grocery store which the same friend (who gave me the first number gave me.) The man seemed very nice, yet reluctant to even set up an appointment to view the apartment. Finally he asks me: 'Do you speak Spanish?". So taken slightly aback, as I could tell by his accent that this dude did, I was honest and told him 'no, I do not.' So he asks me to call him tomorrow, and when I do...surprisingly the apartment was rented to a nice 'Espanish' couple. I felt like I was discriminated against for not being Hispanic, and was actually insulted.
3. Then on CraigsList (ahhhh, good old CraigsList) I found yet another apartment in Bay Shore, not too far from Nelson. And this time, it was through a real estate agency. Again, it was listed as a studio, close to the water, cats were allowed. It sounded good. I repeat....sounded. I set the appointment to go view it, and drag Nelson around since he is my voice of reason, and knows certain areas. When I gave him and Peter the address, Peter and him flipped, saying it could possibly be in the drug dealers/ prostitution den on Bay Shore. If we were on one side of the road, don't even stop, but if it was on the other side, it MAY be OK. So Nelson and I go trekking to this apartment, and had the damnedest time even finding it, as there was no adequate lighting or numbering on surrounding buildings. We both began to get a bad feeling about this, turned around since we had gotten tot he marina, and back-tracked. Upon heading back, we saw the building, which was a Victorian style. Nelson said it used to be a rehab house, and he didn't want me staying there. Plus again, bordering on prostitution parkway. Well, lets just sum this up with, after we left we both wanted to take showers. Walking in, the landlord explained that the fireplace in the common area didn't work, new carpeting still needed to be put down. He shows us what COULD have been my apartment, and I was afraid of getting hepatitis c. Filth and grime everywhere. Not to mention it looked like someone smeared feces along the hallway walls.
4. So anyway, I'd all but gave up hope. Until last night. I went and viewed an apartment in Huntington, and plan to bring Nelson back tomorrow to see it. I am pretty sure this is 'THE ONE.' For multiple reasons. It is still small, but quaint. And I can bring the cats. I don't want to say too much more until I know what is going on....but please everyone keep your fingers crossed.

Being woken up at an ungodly hour.....

It's funny, I had never used to sleep with my cell phone on the night stand next to me. Nope...at night, regardless of it being charged or not, the phone was far away from me...either downstairs or in the other room plugged in. Even when I was dating someone, or 'involved' with them, I never kept it next to the bed in case they called...in the middle of the night. Sleep was sleep, and I was greedy about it.
But the past few months...I have taken to sleeping with the phone on my night stand. I don't know why. It's not like my kooky friends call me at 2:00am in the morning saying 'get yo' ass out of bed, we're going to do ________." Because you know....we're older, and more responsible than when when we were say, I don't know 21. And granted, I don't hang out with those people anymore...because I don't like who they were or the type of person I was when I think back to those days. And it isn't like I'm getting booty calls in the middle of the night. Because (a) I don't club/bar like I had....(b) I like and respect myself way too much these days to just up and do a booty call, and (c) well, I'm hanging out with 'Squirrel' and no one else. But to quote 'Squirrel and I are not dating'. *Rolls eyes and shrugs*. And not only is Squirrel an EXTREMELY....fully sound sleeper, but he is way too respectful than to call me at 2:00 in the morning for anything.
So when my phone does go off at odd hours of the night/morning. I awake in a slight panic, wondering who got hut or what emergency is going on. This morning was one of those mornings. I had actually gone to bed (last night) at 9pm, which is a rare occasion in itself. But I was tired, had been going to sleep, mad late all week. Anyway at 1:57am, my phone goes off and I awake with a start, fumbling for my phone wondering who needed me so desperately. It took me a few minutes to blindly locate the phone, and when I did to focus on the number. Because you know, God-forbid I put my eyeglasses on. And I was expecting the i.d. to read 'Squirrel's' name, thinking maybe it was later than I thought, and he wanted to ask me to pick him up at the train station due to weather. But it wasn't his name. Then I DID panic, because the phone number started with 674, which is how my best friend/brother's home phone number starts. But the last four digits were not his. So I flip open the phone and mumble "hello....hello....hello...." to no one being there. I call back to see who the hell it was, but they pick up and hang up. BASTARDS! You ruined my nice sleep, and even if it was a wrong phone number don't have the decency to say 'sorry, I've missed dialed. I hate to have bothered you so inconvienant at such a bazaar hour."
Which brings me to my 3:00am writing of this post. I got up to pee, then couldn't fall back to sleep. Pooka came and loved me up a bit, still no sleep. Figured I'd go on-line, and here I am. Posting. Because...you know....I post so infrequently these days. But then it hit me....one of my favorite songs. (Because I was thinking of a blog topic for me to put on Myspace) which wouldn't be so open and obvious in case certain eyes *Squirrel* happened to stumble across me on Myspace. {BTW....Squirrel....still doesn't know he's Squirrel. At least, not to my knowledge he doesn't.} So one of my favorite songs, and I used to want it as my wedding song, is: 'I Don't Want To Miss A Thing', by Aerosmith. For me, the first line says it all:
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing Watch you smile while you are sleeping While you're far away dreaming'
That had always grasped me, and it was something i had always wanted to expierence with someone special in my life one day. Because to me, if you could feel that strongly about someone...just want to watch them sleep...wow!
And I mention all this, because the phone call that jarred me awake this morning made me realize. I HAVE this. I mean don't get me wrong. I know that I am not 'in love' with Squirrel yet. However I do know that I LOVE Squirrel, and the fact that we're in one another's lives. But I have on occasion watched him sleep, as it takes me way longer to fall asleep, or I had gotten up to tinkle and then gone back to bed, only to watch him for a few minutes. And he is so peaceful when he sleeps. And on more than one occassion, I have seen him smile in his sleep when he senses me move closer to him, or touch him. I mean...there is so much more to what I am trying to say. So much that I am not divulging in this rambling confession, out in cyber-land. So much I am holding close to my heart, because I don't want it picked to death, or critized or even mocked. But I ALSO have come to realize that the reason why I am over-analyze some of the things that have been going on between me and Squirrel is because it's not just sex between us. There are real feelings. And neither one of us want to hurt the other or get hurt ourselves. And more importantly....this is NEW water for me. Because I have never been with someone who doesn't want to intentionally hurt the person they're with. And because of my past, I wait for the bad stuff to come.....wait for it with no just cause to expect it.
Well, now that I have rambled on and on about all kinds of feelings and phone calls waking me up, I am going to try and get at least another 2 hours of sleep. I just wanted to send this out there.....to share with all you. Because, I miss ya's. Even though it's me who isn't writing as much...I still miss ya's. And I also wanted to THANK wrong number person for waking my ass up. Because, if they hadn't called at 2:00am in the morning, none of this would have hit me as clearly (or as jumbled) as it did. NIGHT...all.

Horseback riding in the dead of winter

Today my little cousin Karen and I went horseback riding. I feel so funny calling my cousins Nick, Christina and Karen my 'little cousins' as they all tower over me. But they are younger, and will always be my 'babies', hence they will always be my 'little cousins'.
Anyway, months ago Karen and I had discussed going horseback riding, and life as usual got hectic, and we never did it.I've been wanting to do something special, just Karen and I as we haven't hung out in quite awhile...plus in October I was in the city w/ Christina & co.
So the other day, Karen asks if we can go riding, as we never did it. And although winter is here, I didn't feel I could say 'no' to her as I wanted to keep my word by doing this with her. So even though it was FREEZING today, and the wind-chill factor made it feel like we were in Cyberia...I braved the cold, bundled up and off went. This was Karen's first time on a horse, and I was worried she may not enjoy it or get freaked out.
Yeah, I had nothing to worry about, with her. She was on a horse named Sampson, and had a great time, until Keith's horse took a massive shit right in front of her. Karen was afraid to kick her horse to make it canter or move faster, so I kept telling her. Then during our last canter I yelled a bit, so Sampson (her horse) for him to move. Which of course he did, and poor Karent hought she was going to fly out of her saddle.
I think the high-light and horror though of the ride was when we were going through a sand-pit. Keith was leading us, and Karen in the middle as she has never rode before. As Sweetpea and I were going through the sand she decides to plunk down....which was a new expierence for me. I didn't know why she was doing it, and before I could ask Keith...Sweetpea continued to roll( like a dog does) with me still on her! So as she is rolling, and I have my leg pinned under her I'm yelling 'THE HORSE IS ROLLING! THE HORSE IS ROLLING!!!' I was able to get my leg out from under the horse without really getting hurt, but we'll see what tomorrow brings. I am just so thankful it was me this happened to, instead of Karen.