Being woken up at an ungodly hour.....

It's funny, I had never used to sleep with my cell phone on the night stand next to me. Nope...at night, regardless of it being charged or not, the phone was far away from me...either downstairs or in the other room plugged in. Even when I was dating someone, or 'involved' with them, I never kept it next to the bed in case they called...in the middle of the night. Sleep was sleep, and I was greedy about it.
But the past few months...I have taken to sleeping with the phone on my night stand. I don't know why. It's not like my kooky friends call me at 2:00am in the morning saying 'get yo' ass out of bed, we're going to do ________." Because you know....we're older, and more responsible than when when we were say, I don't know 21. And granted, I don't hang out with those people anymore...because I don't like who they were or the type of person I was when I think back to those days. And it isn't like I'm getting booty calls in the middle of the night. Because (a) I don't club/bar like I had....(b) I like and respect myself way too much these days to just up and do a booty call, and (c) well, I'm hanging out with 'Squirrel' and no one else. But to quote 'Squirrel and I are not dating'. *Rolls eyes and shrugs*. And not only is Squirrel an EXTREMELY....fully sound sleeper, but he is way too respectful than to call me at 2:00 in the morning for anything.
So when my phone does go off at odd hours of the night/morning. I awake in a slight panic, wondering who got hut or what emergency is going on. This morning was one of those mornings. I had actually gone to bed (last night) at 9pm, which is a rare occasion in itself. But I was tired, had been going to sleep, mad late all week. Anyway at 1:57am, my phone goes off and I awake with a start, fumbling for my phone wondering who needed me so desperately. It took me a few minutes to blindly locate the phone, and when I did to focus on the number. Because you know, God-forbid I put my eyeglasses on. And I was expecting the i.d. to read 'Squirrel's' name, thinking maybe it was later than I thought, and he wanted to ask me to pick him up at the train station due to weather. But it wasn't his name. Then I DID panic, because the phone number started with 674, which is how my best friend/brother's home phone number starts. But the last four digits were not his. So I flip open the phone and mumble "hello....hello....hello...." to no one being there. I call back to see who the hell it was, but they pick up and hang up. BASTARDS! You ruined my nice sleep, and even if it was a wrong phone number don't have the decency to say 'sorry, I've missed dialed. I hate to have bothered you so inconvienant at such a bazaar hour."
Which brings me to my 3:00am writing of this post. I got up to pee, then couldn't fall back to sleep. Pooka came and loved me up a bit, still no sleep. Figured I'd go on-line, and here I am. Posting. Because...you know....I post so infrequently these days. But then it hit me....one of my favorite songs. (Because I was thinking of a blog topic for me to put on Myspace) which wouldn't be so open and obvious in case certain eyes *Squirrel* happened to stumble across me on Myspace. {BTW....Squirrel....still doesn't know he's Squirrel. At least, not to my knowledge he doesn't.} So one of my favorite songs, and I used to want it as my wedding song, is: 'I Don't Want To Miss A Thing', by Aerosmith. For me, the first line says it all:
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing Watch you smile while you are sleeping While you're far away dreaming'
That had always grasped me, and it was something i had always wanted to expierence with someone special in my life one day. Because to me, if you could feel that strongly about someone...just want to watch them sleep...wow!
And I mention all this, because the phone call that jarred me awake this morning made me realize. I HAVE this. I mean don't get me wrong. I know that I am not 'in love' with Squirrel yet. However I do know that I LOVE Squirrel, and the fact that we're in one another's lives. But I have on occasion watched him sleep, as it takes me way longer to fall asleep, or I had gotten up to tinkle and then gone back to bed, only to watch him for a few minutes. And he is so peaceful when he sleeps. And on more than one occassion, I have seen him smile in his sleep when he senses me move closer to him, or touch him. I mean...there is so much more to what I am trying to say. So much that I am not divulging in this rambling confession, out in cyber-land. So much I am holding close to my heart, because I don't want it picked to death, or critized or even mocked. But I ALSO have come to realize that the reason why I am over-analyze some of the things that have been going on between me and Squirrel is because it's not just sex between us. There are real feelings. And neither one of us want to hurt the other or get hurt ourselves. And more importantly....this is NEW water for me. Because I have never been with someone who doesn't want to intentionally hurt the person they're with. And because of my past, I wait for the bad stuff to come.....wait for it with no just cause to expect it.
Well, now that I have rambled on and on about all kinds of feelings and phone calls waking me up, I am going to try and get at least another 2 hours of sleep. I just wanted to send this out there.....to share with all you. Because, I miss ya's. Even though it's me who isn't writing as much...I still miss ya's. And I also wanted to THANK wrong number person for waking my ass up. Because, if they hadn't called at 2:00am in the morning, none of this would have hit me as clearly (or as jumbled) as it did. NIGHT...all.