What to do when you're the 'grown-up'

So here I go, throwing a pity party for myself. I know it, and I'm sure I'll be told by certain friends what I 'NEED' to do. But you know, with financial issues, and feelings of obligations doing 'what needs to be done' and 'knowing what should be done' are two different things. Many times in the past I have griped about family stuff, and mainly my problems with my mom. And although we have our ups and downs mom and me, I have to say we're becoming one another's support system and allies due to the living situation we're in.

You see, I live with mom and her sister. We're pretty much like the 'Golden Girls' with my mother probably being 'Sophia', me being 'Blanch' and my aunt....well although I'd love to say she's the 'Dorothy' of the trio, I think she's more of the 'Rose'. And not in a good way. My aunt is retired, forced to retire earlier than expected because her company went out of business. And continued to be in retirement because she has difficulty moving around. Doctors have proclaimed her to be a 'medical mystery' on more than one occasion. So that means that it is my mother and me supporting the house and my aunt. To put it bluntly, we live paycheck to paycheck...and struggle to keep a house that we really can't afford. It is VERY EXHAUSTING.

But that's the least of our worries. Because over the past couple of years, as my aunt's disability becomes more pronounced, she has become more and more argumentative. She does not focus on conversations. She has become to not identify or notice things she is looking for (and again becomes argumentative) when she can't 'find them.' For example: if she goes in the fridge to get milk, she does not see the milk. Mind you the milk is right in front of her, not hidden behind anything else. And then she gets annoyed because 'we do not have any milk'. So I will get up and show her the milk, and she will insist that it wasn't there two minutes ago.

My aunt refuses to go to the doctor. And it is very upsetting to see her in this state. She has her good moments and her 'not-so-good' moments. This past Saturday she went to a seminar with me, and had a blast. The time we were together was like times from the past. It's not fair....on any levels. Last week my mom had gone away...and it was just Ida and myself and I never wanted my mom home more than then. I fear that my aunt has the beginnings of dementia.

Wow....just when you think you've pulled the wool over their eyes

I am still in shock over this. And laughing uncontrollably. And had to share it with my brother (Nelson) as well as with the rest of you. Because no matter how old we get, we think that we can fool our parents. (Or at least, I kinda thought that.) Because...you know, mom can be scary at times, and seem judgemental. And a bit overbearing. So I try and not tell her certain aspects of my life, just as I'm sure the rest of the world don't feel compelled to tell their parents EVERYTHING either.
Let me back track a bit. (5) Five years ago I was dating a person who was NOT the one for me. It was a very unhealthy relationship, and although my mom and Ida tolerated him (as they didn't want to push me in the wrong direction) they did not welcome him sleeping over, or really care for me staying at his house. If this person slept at my house, he was to sleep on the couch as opposed to upstairs with me. SO IT CAME AS A HUGE SHOCK TO ME THAT WHEN I STARTED RECENTLY HANGING OUT WITH SOMEONE (WHO I REFER TO AS SQUIRREL) THAT MOM SAID IT WOULD BE FINE FOR HIM TO STAY OVER THE HOUSE, WITH ME (AS IN...IN MY ROOM). She has yet to meet him, so I was all, "REALLY?" She also doesn't get bent out of shape if I stay over his house either. (Part of this is because we don't live exactly close Squirrel, and I.)
Anyway back to the point in hand here. Tuesday night, Squirrel and I decided to hang out, and it turned in to an all-night event. Mom was OK, other than the fact that she was concerned I didn't have a change of clothes with me. (It worked out in the long run.) Then this past Saturday he and I had decided to get together to do something. So as I was leaving the house, Ida asked if I planned to come home (so she knew whether to lock all the way up or not.) I told her I didn't know but that I had hoped not to be coming home that night.
Which brings me to MY OWN DISILLUSIONMENT. Because you see, here I was thinking oh...mom and Ida have NO clue as to what is going on. They just think I'm sleeping over at Squirrel's house from time to time in a platonic manner. UH, YEAH. THEY'RE WAY AHEAD OF ME. Yesterday I am lounging on my couch, and Ida and mom come home. Mom goes upstairs to change, and Ida is putzing around, goes to the bathroom and comes out, stopping in front of me. 'I have to tell you something, and I don't want you to get upset.' (My attention is caught, and I begin to get nervous.) 'Mom asked me, or actually said something to me, and I thought I told her the right thing...but she wanted me to address this with you anyway. Just don't let her know I did so.' (Now I'm panicking. Is it something to do with mom's health? She isn't doing too well these past few weeks.)
And Ida continues: 'After lunch today, we're driving to Lowes, and mom says to me; I hope that Rose and _______ (she used his name) are using protection of some kind. Because the last thing either of them needs right now is a little surprise. And I said to mom, oh I am sure Rose is handling that. I don't know which method but I know she wouldn't be that dumb.'
AND THERE YOU HAVE IT BOYS AND GIRLS, FRIENDS AND FELLOW BLOGGERS. i AM STARING AT IDA, MOUTH AGAPE. Because I didn't have them fooled for one instance as to what goes on when I am out with a certain someone. I am not that suave. And I am completely dumb-founded that the two of them are so calm and cool about this. So I had to wait until I got my voice back, and then reassured Ida that yes....we are using precautions, and that I even plan on having back-up back-up when I go see the gyno in a few weeks. But you know what...this is a BIG relief. Because now I know that they know I am an adult, and adult enough to make my own decissions (they respect my decissions), and we can be one happy family. And my mother doesn't judge me. She just wants me to be happy and safe. And that's what family and love is about.

ACCEPTANCE!