It puts the lotion on its skin and puts it in the basket

And the headache begins yet again. When I had started my blog, wasted a lot of time and shared funny anecdotes about the two co-workers in my office, frick and frack. The thorns in my side, the ones put here to annoy the crap out of me. My boss has an office with a door…so when it gets too much for him, he shuts the door. However, I have a cube…no door, no solid walls…no peace. Some days are better than others. Some make me run from the building screaming. And some days I feel like I can plunge a knife through the black hearts of these two nightmares I work with, when other days I just want to take them under my wing and tell them we can work through any project they throw at us.

In past post’s, I had commented that ‘Big Bad’ had been inquiring about the work antics and productivity of the one person who annoys me. Almost to the point where he was all but booting her out. My boss, and myself (knowing her personal situation, needing the medical benefits) have covered for her, taken the brunt of some of her errors, have gone out of our way to ensure she would still have her job. And I feel bad, because I thought I liked her. AS A PERSON. As a co-worker, she is dumb as a bag of rocks. This, the woman who thinks Pacific and specific are one and the same word. The woman who has no idea how to file or use a digital scanner although there are directions on the scanner stating: place document face up.

I’ve been overlooking her short-comings. I have been able to rally with her, again because I know she has ‘stuff’ going on that is not pretty. But last week, she accused me, and our other co-worker (the other numb-skull) of being backstabbers because she decided to take the day off without calling in and we didn’t lie for her and say she did call in. She got called on to the carpet by my boss, who then came down on her for five other things she does not do properly. So when she left his office, she took it out on me when I asked if she was ok. She ACTUALLY told me: “I have a life outside of ______{insert company name}. I have a commitment and obligation to my family and I have friends that I do things with. If someone has to work late to cover the time off I take, it’s not MY problem. I’m entitled to taking time off.” I just stared at her….slack-jawed. Because I didn’t do anything to warrant being called a backstabber. I may not be all peaches and cream 24/7…but I do not back stab, underhand, or try to get the jump on anyone I work with. That is not how I operate.

Next thing I know, last Friday I am working on a situation that arose with another co-worker of mine…and it began to eat in to my lunch break. Which was no big deal, because instead of going at 12:30…there is no rule saying I can’t go at 12:45? Well ‘It’ as I now refer to her, goes ballistic demanding I go to lunch because if I go late she has to go late, and she’s hungry. So using the patience and tone I would with a child, I say to her, “I’m in the middle of something, so you go now, and I’ll go when you get back.” So she went, and to spite me, came back 10 minutes late. This again was fine by me, because I still took my full hour. She has flipped out on our boss because he does not personally say ‘good morning’ or ‘good night’ to her with fan fare. It really is like working with a three year old.

So last week, after she had pulled the lunch thing with me, I refer to her as ‘It’ on the sly to my friends. Because there is only one line rolling through my head when I hear her voice: “IT puts the lotion on its skin and puts it in the basket.” Granted I am not a cannibal or take to making skin clothing. But this is the one thing I think of when I see her. On the weeks that I have summer hours, I love the hour between 8-9 am and the hours from 3:30-5:30 as she is not here. I mean It. The bane to my existence. It…the thorn in my side. It. The one person who doesn’t know to keep her mouth shut, because she’ll lose one of the people she has shielding her if she keeps it up.