Notice the little smily's eyeballs going 'round and 'round? Good, because that's EXACTLY how I feel these days. I am not one to complain much about the big things. I really internalize a lot, which I guess helps feed my anxiety and tummy issues. But I also feel like I am just going to implode if I don't let it out....so here it goes, in a rambling blog entry which I will try to condense as much as possible.
I guess I'll start with the work crap. Because let's face it, work sux. Each day my dream to run away, and become a beach bum becomes more and more appealing. Live the bohemian life I've always craved, and braid people's hair on the beach during the day, sipping mai tai's at night. (Ok, margarita's are more my speed.) Anyway for the past year and a half my department has heard about big changes coming down the pike, and being held accountable for our time and work, blah-blah-blah. My department felt little hits such as cut backs on overtime, and hiring freezes. But about 2 weeks ago there was a 50-person lay-off company wide. Or should I say Long Island location wide. 18 people from my building were let go, and from this number I was friends with 8 of them...(2) of them from my department. So of course the scare went out, and my department has been restructored again. I still work for the chief, but we report to a different manager (which is ok)...but there's nearly no laughter and comoderie as there was before in my office. Plus my cube-neighbor has proven to be a backstabbing snitch and now I really hate going in each day. I've opted not to move out of my house, because I'm worried if they cut more poistions and I can't make it on my own, I'll have no choice but to break my lease, and that's not cool. The upswing to that though is we're making a studio apartment in my house for me.
For the past several months I haven't been feeling myself. Just extremly run down, more frequent tummy problems, my allergies and sinus running like crazy. I all but live on my allergy meds, and have gone back on my anxiety medication too. My joints have been more achy, and even where I do not have arthritis I've had pain. Back in Februray I took a month off from dance class, just to recharge myself and although it helped slightly, I still am exhausted. Last Wednesday I went to a new primary doctor, to see if she could figure out what's going on. She told me I need to restart my fiber regimen, keep up with the allergy meds too. But she also took 4 tubes of blood to test me for everything under the sun (due to my old thyroid problem.) The doctor feels my thyroid has turned my arthritis in to rhumetoid arthritis which may explain a lot too. I am a mess, and keep plugging away. Because you know, NOT being independantly wealthy does not afford me the luxery of crawling under the covers and sleeping my days away. I get my blood work back in about 2 weeks.
Which brings me to my Lola. She is still under the weather. I feel like I'm living at the vet. Her appatite is good, and her energy levels are great. Well, it's back to the vet again this morning. (I feel like I've been living at the vet..lol.) I mean, it's not all bad because we've been going for her required shots...but I just want her 100% ok.
For the intestinal parasite, she goes back on Albon (her antibiotic) which she loves taking, because it tastes good. The vet says it's normal to sometimes have to do this 3-4 times for the parasite to be knocked out. Her appatite and energy is fine, and she's been gaining weight, so I don't need to worry about her being malnurished. Just worried about this bug.
But her fur loss has me real concerned. When we had gotten her, she scratched ocasiionally, and mom thought maybe she had a flea. But it's too early in the season, and we checked her and saw nothing. But then the scratching got much worse and I thought maybe food allergies so I switched her food. (We also had given her oatmeal baths but they didn't help much.) The food switch helped some but not much. The vet did a skin scraping onher ear, and that came up negative...but now she's losing more fur from her scratching in more places, so the puppy teacher (yeah she's in puppy kindergarten)thinks she has a skin parasite too! So it's back to the vet this morning for more skin scrapings. It just never ends.
So I thank you for listening to me bitch and moan. I know there are many people who have it 1000% worse than me. But I am just exhausted. I go to bed exhausted and wake up exhausted and have to put a smile on my face during the hours in between, which is...well honostly...exhausting. And I worry all the time over Lola and want to beat the crap out of the breeder, and wish my body would stop hurting. So if I don't seem as peppy as I usually am, or seem a bit quieter than usual...please don't think it's anything major. It's just all the little things. But I'll chug along...I have to.