Was that a glass shattering or my venier cracking

I feel so fragile today. This is not something that I normally admit to my friends or family, let alone strangers. But life has funny ways of knocking you on your ass, just when you think you can take on the world, and life is a-o-k.

My mom has had problems with her eyes all her life, from childhood she has been nearsighted in one eye and farsighted in the other. You can only imagine the fun she had with eye glasses, and her vision.

A few years back she was diagnosed with Macular Degeneration. And I never really understood what it is, other than she was having problems seeing. At 65 years old mom uses a magnifier glass to read almost everything. When we eat out, she has a hard time navigating the menu, but makes the most of her situation. I know this is a horrible thing for her to endure, because not only does she still work, and drive…but reading has always been one of her greatest passions. So you can imagine what it is like for her to struggle with books. Because, lets face it…the large print books aren’t always what she wants to read.

Mom periodically goes for laser treatment to try to stop the hemorrhaging. But upon my research today, the only outcome of this is her losing her eyesight. If anyone is interested, here are some links that I had been checking out:

Macular degeneration: Causes - MayoClinic.com

Macular Degeneration: Risk Factors

Macular Degeneration

http://www.macugen.com/

It really sucks when something bad is happening to someone you love. And I guess (and yes I know she isn’t terminal) that I’m just overly sensitive. She’s my mom…the only parent I have. And even though we’ve had our ups and downs, and our downs were like being in a gully…this is hitting me harder than I ever thought. Because I know mom has other medical problems too, and I guess my mind is just racing. Because deep down I know the road we’re going. I know where this is going to lead. And I know that it has taken me a very long time to get over losing my Uncle Frank, but by bit as his body was broken down by Diabetes.

So I’m a little fragile today. And I really just want to crawl back in to bed, cuddle with my cats, and sleep. But I can’t. Because I have to work. And if I ask to leave, questions will be asked. And If I do leave, I will not have conquered my anxiety today. But I feel fragile, and if I’m so fragile, how will I have the strength to conquer the anxiety? So don’t mind me as I ramble today…I’ll be ok. I have to be.